fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
