Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
love makes seman taste better
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
