Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I didn't notice because vodka
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
