I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
