ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Houston, we have a blender
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
