New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
