I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
