last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
