angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
