you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
