Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
