he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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