Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
