Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
