I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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