I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
