Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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