can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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