they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i dont even know how to be here
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
