I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it hurts more in the daytime
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
did i just pee glitter
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