He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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