I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
