dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
