dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
