It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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