do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
