This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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