Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
