tell your sister to shave her snatch
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Randomize
