Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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