i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
