Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize