Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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