His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
