Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
