I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
