im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
