Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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