I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
