I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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