Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
