I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
