the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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