oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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