next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize