i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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