love makes seman taste better
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I stole a fireplace last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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