i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
