do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
