When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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