He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
