mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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