who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
