My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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