What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
