Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
