she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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