I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
