Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
