I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
