Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
