Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
