Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
