Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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