why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
