No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
