Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
