It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
