Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
