you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
