mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
