so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
