Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize