I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
