The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize