Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
