and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
