the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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