Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
