I have demons in me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
