at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my being single is dangerous.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
