I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
