i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
