yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
