What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
