He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize