i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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