I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
