Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
