sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
