the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize