True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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