Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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