no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
