so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
