So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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