she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
