got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
