i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We left an ass print on the piano.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
