I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
