Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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