Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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