mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
