I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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