Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
